Dear Friend,
If we are to foster authentic friendships, we must speak the truth in love. Jesus’ way of making friends is, to tell the truth and lay down his life. (see John 15:12-15).
Real friendship comes about when truth and love work together simultaneously. Like two sides of the same coin, you can’t have one without the other.
Friendship becomes shallow when we favor one of these virtues over the other. For example, on the one hand, trying to love someone without mentioning an uncomfortable truth is unloving. It only leads to deceit and flattery (Proverbs 28:23). On the other hand, declaring the truth without including love is untruthful. If you are full of truth, you will not leave out the fact of God’s love. In the end, truth without love is like a clanging cymbal that profits nothing. (See 1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
The test of genuine friendship comes when sin and imperfection come between friends.
When sin comes in, some withhold compassion because they don’t want to compromise the truth or reward bad behavior. But this is the very moment a good friend needs to come through with a dose of love. You will never undermine the truth by loving the transgressor, as long as you keep to the truth at the same time.
And, you need not question whether or not you have permission to embrace a sinner wholeheartedly. You not only have permission, you have authorization – Love one another, be reconciled immediately. “God commends his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8).
Others, oppositely deal with transgression between friends. They are afraid to bring truth into the open, especially when it hurts because they don’t want to risk losing the friendship. Jesus never stopped people from walking away from the truth. Nor did he stop loving them when they did.
A proper perspective on the nature of these two sentiments and how they work together may help us speak the truth in love more boldly and sincerely.
Think of love not as a warm feeling, but as fertile soil. And think of truth not as a bullet, but as good seed. With this frame of mind, your love becomes the ground in which you can gently plant kernels of truth. When you speak the truth in love, you lay the groundwork for sowing and reaping a harvest of righteousness.
Or, to put it another way. Think of love, not as an exuberant emotion, but a calming sedative. And think of truth, not as a stubborn fact but a surgeon’s knife. From this point of view, love serves to anesthetize the soul while the scalpel of truth operates on the heart.
In Him,
Chris Halverson
“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.” (Romans 12:9)